Emotional Numbness

I became emotionally numb about four years ago. I essentially lost my ability to feel love, joy, happiness etc. Basically I just go through out my days feeling the same emptiness. I’ve tried explaining this to doctor after doctor, and they either don’t believe me or just ignore the fact that I’ve brought it up all together. I survived for years off of caffeine, and am now very sensitive to it, so I stay away from it.

It’s weird, because this type of thing is something only I can experience, but no one else around me has been able to sense it.

For now, the only real joy I get is from eating, and the odd time I might feel this subtle content feeling.

This emotional numbness has become an obsession for me, as it has quite literally destroyed my chances of having a normal life.

I’ve started to become highly suicidal and keep moving in and out of wanting to commit suicide, to having enough hope to want to continue. But everyone assumes it’s because I’m depressed when the real truth is that the numbness is just so intense, that there is nothing to look forward to in my life – no excitement, no joy or anything.

The closest I feel to being happy is the 30 minutes after I drink a coke, but that’s always temporary.

I haven’t felt love, except in isolated situations for about four years now. I am quite literally a shell of a person.

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the likely cause?

My personality is starting to change in result of this numbness. The change has been gradual and has taken place over the four year period. I’m starting to become very abrupt with my interactions, highly negative, and basically have experienced a breakdown in my personality – being rude at times, and very blunt – in short I just don’t care anymore.

Long story short, I just don’t get the point of continuing on when I’m incapable of 90 percent of the emotions that make life worth living.

Has anyone else experienced this type of thing? How did you fix it, and what was the cause?

I want that life

I want that life

which bring are respect of pleasure

in every way of life.

I want that life

which always alive

& also alive even after death

Oh my favorite god

I am great seen-er

please forgive me

Oh my almighty Allah

let me free from any more punishment

I am hopeless & poor

I am unable to bear

any more punishment.

Describe the best version of life

If you can be the best version of yourself and your life, how would you describe it:

- What positive traits would you want to have/improve and what negative traits would you want to eliminate

- What skills would you want to have that are important to you

- How good would you want your memory and attention be

- How would you describe your interpersonal skills

- How would you describe your relationships, health and finances

- Which weaknesses would you want to accept and keep

- Where would you want to live

- How would you react to negative people and circumstances